The Upside of Messy: Embracing Imperfection in a Flawless-Obsessed World
The Upside of Messy: Embracing Imperfection in a Flawless-Obsessed World
Blaming and Shaming: A Barrier to Growth
We've all been there before - we make a mistake or an error in judgment, and rather than receiving understanding or forgiveness, we're met with blame, shame, and criticism. This reaction, while human, often does more harm than good. As organizational psychologist Adam Grant points out, blaming and shaming people for their mistakes doesn't prevent future errors - it prevents people from owning up to and learning from them. There is a better way forward, one that promotes psychological safety, honest discussion, and collective learning. But enacting this change requires courage and vulnerability from all of us.
The Impulse to Blame
Why is our first reaction so often to blame or shame when someone makes a mistake? Social psychologists point to two key explanations. First, it stems from our natural negativity bias - as humans, we give more weight to negative events than positive ones. A single mistake draws our focus more than dozens of successes. Second, blaming others deflects attention from our own culpability. Rather than reflect on how we may have contributed to a problem, it feels better to make the mistake 100% someone else's fault.
Of course, there are times when blaming has its place - when true negligence or malintent are at play, consequences and accountability are reasonable. But our tendency is to react this way even to minor missteps. This instinct comes from a good place - a desire to uphold standards. But applied broadly and harshly, blame becomes ineffective and counterproductive.
The Effects of Blame Culture
What happens when blame and shame permeate an organization or industry? Fear-based cultures emerge, where covering up problems and hiding imperfections take priority over addressing root issues. Common behaviors include:
Finger-pointing: Efforts to identify who is at fault and deflect responsibility onto others. This breeds interpersonal conflict and mistrust.
Covering-up: Downplaying errors or avoiding mentioning them to dodge criticism. This obscures opportunities for improvement.
Overconfidence: Minimizing mistakes leads to bold claims about accuracy and risk. This distorts reality and hides dangers.
Ultimately, when the penalty for making a mistake is humiliation, people hide their mistakes. Problems emerge, but too late to effectively address them.
Consider the 1986 Space Shuttle Challenger disaster. Engineers knew of technical problems prior to launch but felt hesitant speaking up about safety concerns. A culture that welcomed transparent failure discussion could have potentially prevented this tragedy.
The Virtue of Vulnerability
If blame prevents people from owning mistakes, what's the alternative? Research finds that psychological safety is key. When people feel safe to speak up, share concerns, and admit errors without fear of embarrassment or retribution, they're more likely to do so.
Some leaders inherently understand this, cultivating cultures of vulnerability and trust that unlock honesty. But psychological safety requires purposeful leadership, messaging, and policies that demonstrate truth is valued over perfection. Leaders asking "What complications did you face?" rather than "Why did you mess up?" also sets the tone for openness.
Leaders can share stories of their own failures and what they learned. Not the polished “failure to success” narratives, but the real moments of humiliation and hubris that offered hard lessons. This vulnerability builds an open culture, as people recognize we’re all in the same boat.
The Wisdom in Errors
Mistakes are unavoidable. As the ancient philosopher Seneca observed, "To err is human." Some errors along the way are inevitable in complex environments. Rather than futilely trying to banish mistakes outright, we must recognize their inevitability and potential upside.
With acceptance and transparency, missteps offer gateways to growth. Mistakes have led to personal and professional breakthroughs when people are pushed outside their comfort zones. Thomas Edison reframed his failed attempts at inventing the lightbulb as "finding 10,000 ways that will not work."
Openly analyzing errors also has organization-wide benefits. Disclosing mistakes allows systemic issues to be spotted, risks accurately assessed, and improvements made. One study found hospitals that encouraged transparent error reporting significantly reduced patient deaths.
Owning mistakes builds trust and forgiveness too. Accountability makes teams more willing to grant grace to others. Reflecting on our own errors increases empathy when someone else falters. Framing mistakes as mutual learning opportunities rather than individual shortcomings creates a shared purpose bigger than any single blunder.
A Leader's Courage
Enacting cultural change requires courage absent in blame-based cultures - courage to share openly despite embarrassment, apologize sincerely, and speak difficult truths. And courage from leaders to drive change.
It starts with reframing the narrative. Rather than reacting with shame about errors, leaders can respond with curiosity: "What can we learn?" and "How can we improve?"
It also means enacting policies centered on learning over punishment - adopting restorative practices, eliminating targets that discourage transparency, and requiring retrospective analysis.
Finally, it requires leading by example - taking ownership of missteps, and sharing stories that celebrate learnings from failure. This vulnerability is profoundly effective for building an open culture, though it doesn't come naturally.
Brian Scudamore of 1-800-Got-Junk? models this leadership. He hosts “failure nights” where employees share stories of disappointing initiatives that offered important lessons. This builds camaraderie through imperfection.
No More Secrets
Mistakes are unavoidable, but our reaction to them is a choice. Do we hide our blunders to maintain an illusion of perfection? Or embrace errors openly to unlock their upside?
Margaret Wheatley put it wisely: “Problems, mistakes, errors, conflicts - all of these hold invaluable insights.”
Will we muster the courage to create environments where people aren't afraid to raise their hand when something goes wrong? Or allow fear of blame and shame to prevent growth? The stakes are high. Normalizing and welcoming imperfections and owned mistakes is critical for preventing tragedies on the scale of Chernobyl or Challenger. Our shared future depends on breaking the conspiracy of secrecy. The time for transparent failure is now.