The Unseen Progress: Allowing Ourselves to Feel Pride in Our Personal Growth
Progress. Such a simple word, yet it can evoke a spectrum of emotions within us. When we think of progress, our mind often goes to the big, visible wins - the promotion at work, the weight we lost from strict dieting, the raise in pay after putting in long hours. These examples of progress are clear and measurable; they come with accolades from others, which amplifies our pride. But what about progress that remains unseen? The incremental changes we make over time, the hard-won lessons and habits formed, the gradual strengthening of character and resolve. These are no less meaningful, though they garner far less fanfare. Just as important, if not more so, is developing the ability to feel pride for this unseen progress. For when we cannot take joy in our small steps forward, we rob ourselves of celebration and stifle our own growth.
The temptation will always be there to discredit our incremental gains and dismiss the value of internal development. But we must learn to push back against such thinking, to see our modest improvements as vital strides on the path of realization. Our unseen progress is still progress, and deserving of pride. As the philosopher Marcus Aurelius stated, "Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them." We must allow ourselves to recognize and appreciate our own beauty, our own forward motion, even if it's just a faint glimmer against the vast darkness.
Of course, some may argue that pride is an arrogant emotion, and we should remain humble about any personal growth. It is true that unchecked pride can become vanity and self-absorption. But authentic, warranted pride is not the same as arrogance. As Aristotle wrote, “Dignity does not consist in possessing honors, but in deserving them.” When our pride comes from deserving merit, through effort and discipline, it fuels further achievement. We only cross into hubris when we believe ourselves inherently superior, not when we simply acknowledge progress made through our voluntary choices. Humility focuses outward on elevating others and serving a higher purpose. Pride can enhance that spirit when centered on conduct, not status. Theologian C.S. Lewis captured this balance when he wrote, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” By keeping our eyes on the needs of our community, pride and humility can work in concert.
As human beings, we are blessed with the capacity for self-awareness and self-regulation. That means, with focused effort, we can intentionally shape the patterns of how we think, speak, and act in the world. Of course, changing long-held habits or mindsets does not happen quickly or painlessly. More often, it is the culmination of many almost imperceptible course corrections applied over weeks, months, and years.
Think of James, a recovering alcoholic who, day by day over 15 years, fought powerful cravings and trained his mind to find fulfillment in new activities. After his first stint in rehab failed to stick, James spent years struggling with relapses, treatment, AA meetings, and late night phone calls to his sponsor. Many times he felt ready to give up. But he kept making minor adjustments - avoiding bars with friends, attending therapy, finding new hobbies. Eventually these small wins paved the road to a life of sobriety. Without pride in each tiny step, James would never have made it to the major milestones like his 5th and 10th sobriety anniversaries.
Or consider Maya, a timid teenager who gradually overcame social anxiety through small talk with strangers and speaking up more in class. Each day pushing past her comfort zone felt excruciating to Maya. She had to continually fight the impulse to retreat and remain silent. After hundreds of tiny moments of courage, Maya eventually gained enough confidence to form a close friend group, run for student government, and pursue her dream career in sales. Those seemingly minor wins built the foundation for profound life transformation.
We can also look to the example of Michael, who struggled with anger issues leading to outbursts toward his family. For years he dismissed therapy, believing he could handle it alone. Over time, however, Michael realized his anger was driven by a sense of powerlessness. With counseling he developed techniques to pause, breathe, and communicate his feelings productively. The first few times he stopped a flare-up felt small and awkward. But month by month, as fits of rage gave way to calm discussions, Michael mended broken relationships and became the father he aspired to be. Though the world saw little of Michael's hard interior work, it bore some of the most meaningful fruit in his life.
The key is consistently acting in alignment with our values and aspirations, however haltingly. Terrified of public speaking? Volunteer to lead a team meeting, and be proud you found the courage to do it imperfectly. Struggling with spending? Pack your lunch for work tomorrow, and give yourself credit for that bit of fiscal restraint. Dreaming of starting a nonprofit? Research options this weekend, and celebrate having inched closer to your goal. Over time, those small actions snowball into meaningful change.
Of course, we must be careful not to indulge in false pride or vanity - ancient pitfalls for seekers of wisdom. Pride must be rooted in authentic growth and conduct that aligns with our highest values. As philosopher and civil rights activist Cornel West put it, “Never forget that justice is what love looks like in public.” True pride follows from cultivating greater justice, compassion, and service to others. Subject to that crucial caveat, we need not diminish our interior progress just because it goes unseen.
In a culture obsessed with external achievement, the private realm is all too easily dismissed. Social media shows us constant highlights reels from the lives of friends, celebrities, and influencers, showing off their model physiques, picture-perfect families, and exotic vacations. Naturally, we end up judging our self-worth by these carefully curated glimpses, oblivious to the personal struggles and mundane realities behind the scenes. The cycle of comparison and envy this fuels can leave us feeling inadequate about our own situations. But consider how ridiculous it would be to assess a tree's health by only looking at the outward facing side of its trunk. Clearly, what matters is the complex web of roots hidden underneath the soil, extracting nutrients and anchoring the plant in place. The same principle applies to human beings. Outward appearances, achievements, and possessions may impress - but they reveal little about inner wholeness, which requires its own meticulous cultivation.
When external validation is scarce, the only recourse is to become our own cheerleaders, recognizing and taking pride in the growth others cannot see. This capacity for self-affirmation is especially vital during difficult seasons of life. A stretch of unemployment, for instance, can deal devastating blows to our confidence. But setbacks need not preclude appreciation for the grit we show in enduring them. Has the job search led us to acquire new skills or networks? Have we acted with integrity despite scarcity and uncertainty? Harsh circumstances may obscure progress, but progress can still dwell within. Once again, we must peel back surface layers and address what lies underneath. As inventor Thomas Edison said of his long road to success, “I have not failed 10,000 times. I have successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.” Adjusting our perspective allows us to define progress on our own terms.
Buddhists speak of the concept of "no self", recognizing that there is no permanent, fixed identity. Rather, we are in constant flux, with old aspects dying away and new ones taking form. Becoming attached to a static sense of self means clinging to things that will soon change; it is the source of much suffering. But this fluidity is also the wellspring of hope, for it means we are not defined by our past or present. With care and intention, we can cultivate the seeds of understanding, compassion, and wisdom within us. To do so requires vigilance, catching ourselves when patterns of petty reactivity or entitled thinking take over. It means embracing the gradual work of transforming our minds. We may backslide 10 steps for every inch forward - but that inch remains growth nonetheless. Even our missteps teach us, if we approach them with curiosity rather than judgment. Along this uneven path, we must remember that progress hides beneath our abilities and shortcomings alike.
So take heart, for you are far greater than your faults. Hold your head high, for you are far stronger than your wounds. Allow yourself to be proud, not of transient possessions or glory, but of your spirit's restless striving to shed what is false and grow into your highest truth. For all that matters dwells within. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” Believing in our unseen progress empowers us to fulfill our own vision. By honoring each small step, we remind ourselves of how far we've come and how much more we can accomplish on the longer road ahead.